I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
