Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Randomize
