sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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