I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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