At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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