people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize