; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
