hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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