And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
