i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
