..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
