I think i peed on brittanys purse
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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