do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize