the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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