WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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