My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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