just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
