i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
