it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
