her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
