i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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