to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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