i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
