Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
