What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
