When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
