And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
