Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He? As in you personified your dick?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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