My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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