did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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