the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
