Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
