if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
