I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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