Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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