Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
