I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
