It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
