Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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