I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
