Your dad touched me again.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
