Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
