for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
