I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
