You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
