Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
