Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
