I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
