did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
