please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
