what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
