My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
