It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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