youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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