We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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