could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
