Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
