I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
