She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
