just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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