the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
