I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
