Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
