rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
