You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
