It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
