i barfeds in our rink
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
