3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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