btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize