I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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