Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
