i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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