Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
