WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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