3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
