farters have to be the big spoon...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
