The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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