sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I smell stomach acid.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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