Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She's JV to your varsity
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
