One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
