Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Send help, water and tortillas.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
