just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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