oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
