I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have tasted many bathrooms
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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