were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
