You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She announced her abortion via fbk
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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