all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize