Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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