I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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