never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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