Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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